It was a beautiful day yesterday. I've been struggling to find some answers and make some tough choices lately. So I did what I usually do and took a long walk in the sunshine. I didn't take my ipod. I didn't need anything playing in my head. Just me, the breeze and the sunshine trying to get me on the right track. I was sad, wondering why making the right choices and getting the answers I needed was so hard all the sudden. I've never struggled with something like this before. And out there in the sun I realized that for all the frusteration I was going through waiting on an answer, I didn't actually want it. I was scared that It might not be what I wanted. So I wasn't willing to listen unless Gods answer complied to my wishes.

I think we all struggle with this to one degree or another. It's hard to want something and find out you can't have it. Or let someone else be in charge. I am often of the mindset "I want! I want!I want!" when I know I should be thinking " I will! I will! I will!" It shouldn't be "my will be done" it ought to be "thy will be done." Like I wrote in my last entry, I have severe controll freak syndrome. And sometimes Gods plan makes me mad because it doesn't fit into mine. I realize that this was one of those times. I didn't want his answer unless it was the same as mine.

So while I was walking, I looked up at the sky and let the breeze blow my hair out of my face (I swear it was the most perfect day yesterday!) I took a deep breath and said out loud " Ok Heavenly Father,...*sigh...I'm ready. Show me what you want me to do,.....I'll do it if you show me the way." And I got this instant feeling like a warm hug that made me feel safe and brave and comfortable. And I got my answer. And I don't know who all is gonna read this, but I'll tell you right now that it made me cry. It wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't what I thought it would be and it isn't going to be easy for me to do. It was not my plan.

So here I am with a lot of tough things in front of me. I don't know how exactly I'll get through it and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself when it's over. But I do know without a doubt that it's what God wants me to do. I know it will lead me to the place I will be happiest and that I will have the courage and strength and comfort that I need to carry it out. My Heavenly Father is incredible that way. I know he's got my back. I know he knows what I need. It's still hard to let go.....It's still going to hurt at some points.... "Pain is an inevitable part of this life. But suffering is a choice we make for ourselves." I don't remember who said that. But it's a good thing to remember when you have tough times.

I don't know where God is leading me. But so long as He is the leader, I will be just fine. Better than fine....life will be wonderful.
I promise you that nothing in life is too much when we're following the right leader.
God bless you all! Ditto=)